


Gamble On Your Life

by CameronJames



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Anal Sex, Anger, Angst, Apocalypse, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Third Person, Pain, Switch Eren Yeager, Switch Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Temporary Character Death, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-04 10:10:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18341558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CameronJames/pseuds/CameronJames
Summary: Levi and Eren are inseparable, both before and after the apocalypse. At least until Eren becomes infected.With Eren and the chance of a life with the one he loves torn from him, Levi dedicates his life and time to killing every single infected he comes across.Two years after Eren goes missing and presumed dead, Levi's managed to get by, just barely. One day, a message comes through on his walkie, and Levi feels something for the first time in years.They've found him.





	1. You've Already Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, 
> 
> This is my first fic in a very long time and I've missed writing so much. I'm really excited about this story, and I hope you guys all enjoy it. 
> 
> I don't know how long it's going to be, but I know it's going to be rough ride.
> 
> Please mind the tags, if you are uncomfortable with any of them, do not proceed.

“Get away from me-”

Eren gasps, clawing at his throat as the infection spreads, stumbling away from Levi. Ignorantly, Levi moves closer, reaching out for his lover, an anguished look on his face.

“Eren, I can help-”

“No! Get- away!”

Eren shoves Levi away, screaming in pain as his blood practically boils in his veins. Levi can see the change taking over, black lines streaking his skin. Levi feels like he's dying, even if he's physically fine and Eren _technically_ _is_ dying. This was never supposed to happen. They we're supposed to protect each other from this, the horrible infection that's taken over the world, killing so so many people. Some survive it, but they are less than alive. They roam aimlessly, _always_ hungry for anything they can get their dead hands on.

Levi reaches for Eren again, but his fingers stop just short from his arm, a sob ripping from his throat as Eren _snarls_ , his eyes tinged black like his skin. For a second, he seems to recognize Levi, but the moment is gone as soon as he sees it, and he backs away, scared. Eren growls at him again before turning and running, disappearing into the treeline. The tears run freely down Levi's face now, and he can't stop them, his heart shattering into pieces as he hears another broken scream echo from the woods.

“Levi can you hear me? We need to get out of here, there's a group of infected heading our way.”

He doesn't answer the crackling voice coming from his walkie, tears still falling as he scans the treeline, hoping against hope that Eren comes back out.

“Levi! Do you copy?”

The voice is more insistent now, laced with fear.

“Levi you better not be dead you bastard-”

“I'm coming.” He cuts them off. “I'll be there in less than three minutes.”

He shuts off his walkie, tearing his gaze away from the forest even as his chest aches, a new wave of hot pain spreading through his body. He takes those three precious minutes of the walk back to compose himself, knowing there will be questions. He slips his gun onto his shoulder as he approaches their vehicle, a black and green Jeep Wrangler they found in the streets. He climbs up into the back and sits, silent. The rest of the crew stares at him, and then back at the way he came, confused.

“Levi… where's Eren?” A soft voice asks and Levi's heart squeezes — it's Eren's best friend.

“...He's not coming back.” Levi says, unable to keep the tremor from his voice.

There's silence, and then a broken sob as Armin fully realizes what's happened. No one else talks to him, hastily finishing packing up the Jeep. He feels someone sit next to him as the vehicle starts to move, but he really doesn't care enough to look. Whoever it is knows better, not touching or talking to him. He pulls his knife from his belt, sharpening it as they go, needed to keep his mind off of Eren… off of the pain he’s going through. They travel for what seems like hours, the weight of his knife in his hand and the bumps in the road all Levi can feel, and he’s grateful for it. He knows what will happen when they get back to their safehouse, and he’s not looking forward to it.

The Jeep pulls to a stop and it’s passengers are enveloped in darkness, to which Levi’s eyes quickly adjust. He’s the first out, keeping his posture straight and commanding as he starts down the short hallway into their base. The door opens before he reaches it, and an excited woman in a white lab coat runs out, stopping abruptly when Levi looks at her. Her face drops, any excitement that was there is gone, because she knows. She lets Levi pass, chewing at her lip and he can see the sadness take over her features. He keeps walking, and anyone who knows what’s good for them stays out of his way.

Only when he gets to their room does he let any semblance of emotion take him over again. He keeps himself calm as he locks the door behind him, slowly walking to and sitting on their bed. That’s when he finally loses it, surrounded by the little trinkets Eren would collect, by Eren’s smell, and by Levi’s drawings of him. He sobs, the sound ugly and harsh, letting the tears run hot and fast down his face again. These are the types of emotions he’s forbidden himself from feeling, but he can’t hold them back now, not when he’s lost the most important thing in his life. He digs his nails into the leather of the knife handle, anger welling up over the sadness, the two emotions creating an explosive concoction inside him. He screams, throwing the knife. It sticks in the wall, the handle wobbling with the force.

He rips the sheets off their bed, getting angrier when Eren’s smell covers him. He kicks their makeshift nightstand over, his chest heaving when it topples, its contents spilling over the floor. He knows he'll be upset if anything's broken in the morning, but it feels good right now. As quickly as it came, his anger draining as he sinks to the floor. He buries his face in the torn sheets, sobbing obscenely at Eren's smell. His chest feels like it's being crushed, his heart shattering into thousands of tiny pieces. All he can hear is Eren's screams, he was in _so_ much pain, and Levi could do nothing. The thought of his lover, alone and scared and _dying_ wrenches more sobs from him, making him hyperventilate, the lack of oxygen bringing sweet unconsciousness.


	2. Bad Beat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again! 
> 
> Chapter Two, so soon. I don't plan on a regular update schedule, but I do know that I will write a lot, so there could be multiple chapters a day, or none. 
> 
> I'm really happy with the first chapter and the feedback it received, so I'm ready to deliver more heart-wrenching content. I welcome constructive criticism, about the story or the format it's written in. If it's hard to read or doesn't flow in it's current format, let me know. 
> 
> I love you all, and I hope you all keep loving this. 
> 
> PS: all (or as many as possible) of the chapter names will be gambling terms.

It’s been a week of so, and Levi still refuses to leave their room. Hanji has visited twice, forcing Levi to eat because “Eren wouldn’t want you to waste away,” and god dammit she’s right. If he dies now, Eren’s…. What happened to Eren will have been for nothing. While he desperately wants to see his lover again, Levi has never been the one to hurt himself or disregard his own life. There are other ways he can satisfy the burning hunger in his stomach. When he finally does leave their room, he’s wearing his uniform, all black and tight fitting, the symbol of their team right on his heart. He’s got a gas mask, it covers his mouth and his nose and one of his eyes, through which he can see, an AI telling him all he needs to know about what he’s looking at. The finishing touch he’s added is a dark red ring on his finger, a promise ring Eren had given to him before the apocalypse. 

 

The people he passes on his way to the infirmary stare at him in awe and maybe a little bit of trepidation, because they  _ know _ what happened and “who in their right mind would want to go back out there again?” The pain he feels numbs him, but he knows that that’s just going to make him that much better. When he reaches the infirmary he lets himself in, cringing at the groans of pain from the patients there. He weaves through the beds and down a short hallway, stopping in front of a door with a paper on it that reads “Dr. Hanji Zoe.” He has his hand on the knob when he hears voices.

 

“What do you see there Armin?” It’s Hanji’s voice, more serious than Levi has ever heard her.

 

“It… looks like the antibody is eating the virus?” Comes the reply, the voice tired. 

 

“Really? That’s good… That’s what we’re looking for.” Hanji sounds excited, almost like her usual self. 

 

“We need to let it sit though, it could be just like the last test.” 

 

Levi decides now is as good a time as ever to enter, effectively drawing both Armin and Hanji’s attention. He shuts the door behind him and turns back to the two, his eyes emotionless as he looks at them. The silence stretches, suffocating. 

 

“Levi.” Hanji’s voice is barely more than a whisper. “You’re here.”

 

Levi nods curtly. “Armin. How are you holding up?” He asks, a sympathy tingeing his voice.

 

“I’m… ah-” Armin’s lower lip trembles, and Levi can tell he’s holding back tears. “I’m not okay but uh… Hanji and I are have started looking for something, a cure…” 

 

Levi furrows his brow, unwilling to feel any hope. “And?” 

 

“Nothing affirmative yet. A few hopeful leads but nothing has come through.” Hanji answers for Armin, the poor boy crying quietly. 

 

Levi appreciates the sentiment Hanji and Armin offer, already trying to find a cure for something that has gone untreated for three years. As much as he wants Eren to be okay, it’s better for him to face the reality of what has happened, that he won’t be coming back. 

 

“I’m going out there… Do you have any new weapons I can bring with?”

 

“Uh…” Hanji scrambles to regain her bearings, picking up a dual shot grenade launcher, one Levi’s seen before, but its been painted matte black. 

 

“We fixed the barrel and the trigger mechanism, so it works just like new.” She says, getting excited again. Hanji's always loved weapons.

 

Levi turns the gun over in his hand, admiring the way the light seems to get absorbed into the paint. 

 

“Anything else?” 

 

“Of course-” Hanji runs behind her desk and pulls out a bundle of black leather. “Made these just for you, Levi.” 

 

She lays the bundle on the table, slowly unfurling it. Inside is a set of five knives, black leather handles, gleaming silver blades. Levi runs his finger up the flat of the blade. He knows he'll make good use of these.

 

“They're perfect, Hanji…” Levi murmurs, wrapping them back up. 

 

“I'm glad you like them, I know how good you are with them.” She says, smiling. 

 

She looks to Armin and back to Levi, the excitement quickly fading from her features. She grabs Levi by the elbow and pulls him out of the office, into the hall where Armin can't hear.”

 

“Listen Levi, I know you're hurting, we're all hurting, but none of us can even imagine what you're feeling. And.. and I know you want revenge, and that's why you're doing this, becoming some sort of… undead mercenary.” 

 

Levi's lips twitch at the name, but he shakes off Hanji's concern. 

 

“Hanji, I'm fine-”

 

“Don't fucking lie to me Levi.” He's taken aback by her commanding tone. “You are so far from fine. Now let me finish. I have a favor to ask. It's simple, I want you to take a blood sample from random infected that you kill and bring it back to me.”

 

“Why? What good is rotted blood?” Levi asks, genuinely curious. 

 

“We think that in the infection itself… lies the key to destroying it.” She says, low, between them. 

 

“You think… you could?” Levi doesn't dare say it,  _ a cure _ , because he doesn't want to hope for something impossible.

 

“Nothing is solid but… Armin is determined to find something. He's like a genius.” 

 

Hanji turns and opens the office door, and Levi can see Armin bent over a petri dish, looking more concentrated and determined than Levi's ever seen. Hanji grabs the bundle of knives before coming back out to Levi, passing it to him.

 

“Listen, Erwin's been waiting for you… since you got back. He knows what happened and he's hell bent on going with you. I told him you wouldn't like it but he's not taking no for an answer.” 

 

Levi sighs but says nothing, not wanting to endanger Erwin, but knowing it's a million times safer to venture out in pairs. If nothing else, Erwin will be able to watch his back while he collects samples for Hanji. 

 

“You're right. I really don't like it, but… I need someone out there with me.” He says, his pain edging into his voice.

 

“Oh Levi…” Hanji crushes Levi’s body to hers in a hug. She’s never been one for personal space, and this time, he doesn’t really mind. “I’m so sorry we weren’t able to save him.”

 

Levi allows himself this, this little moment of reprieve. Despite his efforts, he can feel the warm tears making their way down his face again, getting absorbed into Hanji’s lab coat. He feels weak, he’s cried so much over the past week, he’s surprised that there’s anything left. He takes a deep breath and pulls away, wiping his eyes. 

 

“Thank you Hanji. Really. Anything you can do or- or find now will be... “ 

  
He can’t bring himself to finish his sentence. Eren always wanted to find a cure, from the day he first heard about the infection. He was never really good with lab equipment or the science required to  _ find  _ the cure, but he helped Hanji every chance he got, even if it was just grabbing new microscope slides or washing the old petri dishes. Anything Hanji could do, anything at all, Eren would’ve been proud of. 


	3. Exposure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter three, now with extra pain and suffering included! 
> 
> I had some very minor writer's block in this chapter, I know where I want this story to go, it's just connecting the pieces that's the tricky part. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoy the chapter and that you cry a little bit.

“Do you have enough supplies for the week?” Levi asks, packing up some canned food and their sleeping bags.

“Yes sir, everything we should need - right here.” Erwin slaps the top of the box he has, making the contents rattle.

“Good.” Levi swings his bag onto his back, “Then let's head out, yeah?”

Erwin nods and sets the box back into the wagon - they found a red flyer wagon when this all started, and that's how they get supplies around now. He hurries to follow Levi, the shorter man much quicker on his feet. Erwin had been one of Levi’s best friends ever since they were kids, and they’d been more than that more than once. Erwin saved Levi back when this all started. He was cornered in an alley, a broken ankle preventing him from escaping. He was terrified, sure that he was going to die. That’s when Erwin came and saved his life, carrying him out of that alley. That was the first time they’d spent the night with each other.

Levi is drawn out his thoughts by the sound of Erwin clearing his throat. He gazes up at the sky, enjoying the purples and pinks that are painting the expanse above him. Together, they walk down miles of road, cars spread haphazardly over the broken pavement. Levi rummages through them as they pass by, grabbing random things like napkins out of the glovebox, some pens he finds in a cup holder and even a blanket in the trunk of an old Toyota. Night is well upon them by the time they reach the next safehouse, which happens to be an old McDonald’s. They’d spent a lot of time and resources making the place safe for overnight stay, replacing all the glass with layers of plywood, and sealing all the doors, except the entrance and a makeshift emergency escape they made through the roof.

As Levi secures the door and checks all the windows, Erwin sets out their sleeping bags on the booths, laying out a pillow for each of them, and an extra blanket in case it gets cold out. Once he’s done, Levi sits cross legged on top of his ‘bed,’ rubbing his thighs and calves to ease the soreness of walking all day. Erwin sits across from him, a can of beans in his hand as he eats them silently. He shares half the can with Levi, and they eat together, enjoying each others presence.

“Levi…” Erwin is the first one to break the silence, which is usually the case between them.

“Hmm?” Levi doesn’t look up, but makes a sound of acknowledgment anyway.

“How are you? It hasn’t been very long, and I know that you were close…”

Levi’s chest aches, and he really doesn’t want to talk about this right now.

“I’m fine. I have to be. Being anything else would be an injustice to him.” His voice is clipped.

“We both know that that’s not true, Levi. Eren deserved-”

“How do you know what he deserved, Erwin? You didn’t spend countless nights with him, learning everything about him. He- the _last_ thing he would want is for me to waste away mourning him.” Levi doesn’t mean to snap at Erwin, but it happens anyway.

“He deserved to be loved and remembered, not pushed to the side because you can’t stand those feelings.” Erwins replies, his voice cold.

“I…” Levi knows he’s right. He knows and it aches, how real it is.

“I know that you’re not fine. I’ve spent time close to you too, Levi.” He reminds him, his eyes calm, caring.

“Of course I miss him, Erwin. How could I not?” Levi says, his voice trembling.

“Talk to me. Tell me what happened.”

Levi is silent for a long time, mulling over the request in his head. He _knows_ that Erwin isn’t doing this to be malicious, and that he genuinely wants to help, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

“We were scavenging houses together, not with the rest of the group but close enough that we could get to them if need be.” Levi swallows thickly as his own words make the scene replay in his head.

“He barely left my side the whole time, I don't know when it happened. He… there were no signs. Or if there were, he hid them so well.”

_“Eren are you okay?”_

_“Yeah yeah I just got a charlie horse. I just need to walk it off.”_

“So you don't even know when he was bitten?” Erwin interjects, his voice quiet, sympathetic and thoughtful.

Levi shakes his head, continuing. “We hadn't found much, honestly. Everything we did find we fit into our backpacks. We finished searching the houses we were assigned and we still had time so we thought we'd fuck around a bit, yknow?”

_“Fuck- Levi- your mouth-”_

_“Is it that good?”_

Erwin nods, letting Levi continue.

“Looking back on it now it was such a stupid idea. If something would've caught us… I don't know how he hid it from me then, either, if he was already bitten. He'd always been so strong, he never let his pain show. That's something I've always hated.” Levi realizes he's rambling off topic, but it helps soothe the ache.

“We were heading back to the team when it happened. We were… we were talking about what we were going to have for dinner for fucks sake and he- he just stopped. I turned to ask him what was wrong and that's when I saw it.”

_“I know Hanji said we have some mandarins and a box of spaghetti noodles, we could make spaghetti and have the fruit for dessert- Eren? EREN!”_

“The infection?” Erwin asks and Levi nods, taking a deep breath, forcing the tears back.

“It was like ink, streaking up his arms and his neck and his face… I'd never seen something so.. so horrifying. He was in so much pain Erwin, I could feel it. He wouldn't let me touch him and I could see it take over his brain. I-” Levi has to stop, his breath coming in short gasps.

_“Get away from me-”_

“When he screamed I thought I was going to die, which is so fucking stupid because I was fine and he was-”

_“Eren, I can help-”_

_“No! Get- away!”_

“Stop blaming yourself. You loved him with everything you had of course seeing him like that would invoke those kinds of emotions.” Levi eyes Erwin warily, but he knows he's right. He always is.

“All I could think is that I had to get him back to base and that we could save him but- he wouldn't let me near him, Erwin, he growled at me and I… I froze. What was I supposed to do?” He asks, and although it's rhetorical, Erwin answers anyway.

“There was nothing you could do, Levi. He was too far gone at that point.”

“That's when he ran. He ran from me into that forest and even though I knew he wasn't coming back but I waited and waited… the team was so worried that I'd been injured…” The tears are hot on his face but he can't stop them.

“When I got back to the car and he- when everyone realized he wasn't with me… no one said anything except his friend, Armin, and that made it so much worse. To hear him crying and to hear Eren's screams in my head- I wanted to kill myself that night, Erwin, and I- I fucking-”

_“Levi… where's Eren?”_

_“...He's not coming back.”_

Levi begins to hyperventilate and he can't stop it until he feels strong arms wrap around his small frame, his face being pushed into a muscular chest. It feels like hours before his breathing returns to normal. Erwin pulls back when it does and looks down at him, his face so empathetic.

“You didn't. Because you know that's not what Eren would want, and because you know you need to be here to avenge him. Both of you deserve that much.” He says, sounding more knowledgeable than Levi's ever heard him.

“Everything you do from here on out will be for him, won't it?”

“Of course…” Levi's voice is rough like sandpaper.

“Then let's kill every single one of those fuckers we come across. Let's make sure he didn't go in vain, and that everything we've done thus far isn't for nothing.”

All Levi can do is nod.


End file.
